Zubai is my name :)

The way you dress

2012-01-30T13:57:00.001-08:00

I just feel like i need to point out a few things which several people have a lot of doubts on - the way you dress.

"O children of Adam, We have bestowed upon you clothing to conceal your private parts and as adornment. But the clothing of righteousness - that is best. That is from the signs of Allah that perhaps they will remember."

"O children of Adam, let not Satan tempt you as he removed your parents from Paradise, stripping them of their clothing to show them their private parts. Indeed, he sees you, he and his tribe, from where you do not see them. Indeed, We have made the devils allies to those who do not believe."

[Qur'an 7:26-27]

These two verses basically explains that Allah gave us clothings to cover up our private parts. Showing a part of it (cleavage) ruins the whole purpose of it. And the best kind of clothing you should follow is the clothing of righteousness.

First, do I have to wear a hijab? Yes, you do.

"O Prophet, tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to bring down over themselve (part) of their outer garments. That is more suitable that they will be known and not be abused. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful."

[Qur'an 33:59]

But do not be mislead! Just because you wear a hijab, doesn't mean that the way you wear it is right.

Prophet Muhammad SAW said: "There are two types amongst the denizens of Hell, I have yet not seen them. One possessing whips like the tail of an ox and they flog people with them. (The second one) the women who would be naked in spite of their being dressed, who are seduce (to wrong paths and seduce others with their hair high like humps. These women would not get into Paradise and they would not perceive the odour of Paradise, although its fragrance can be perceived from such and such distance (from great distance)."

Which basically means that even if you wear your hijab and you're fully covered, if you wear something tight or if you have a hump at the back of your head, it is still wrong.

Do I have to cover up? Yes, you must.

There is a hadith which Aisha reported that when Asma visited Prophet Muhammad SAW, she was wearing fine clothing. The Prophet then turned his head away and said: "O Asma! When a woman attains puberty, no part of her body should be exposed to others, except the face and palms"

Which reminds me, it doesn't mention anything about the foot not being covered which means, we have to cover them - which apparently, a lot of women miss out on.

But my dears, I kindly suggest a niqab which I currently love :p but if you feel like you're not up for it, it's okay. Just take it slow.

As for men,

Can I wear silk? NO.

Prophet Muhammad SAW said: "He who wears silk in this world has no share in the hereafter."

Must I wear a turban? Not necessarily, but I suggest you do.

Prophet Muhammad SAW said: "Wear a turban as it is a symbol of angels and hang it behind your back"

Another thing that I think men are not aware of is the fact that they wear trousers which are too low.

Prophet Muhammad SAW said: "What lies below the two ankles is in the Fire."

General:

Do not dress like the opposite sex!

Hazrat ibn Abbas reported: "Prophet Muhammad SAW cursed the women who dresses like men and men who dresses like women"

Do not dress too fancy! Stay modest!

Prophet Muhammad SAW said: "Whoever wears the cloth of fame in this world, will be made to wear the cloth of defame on the Day of Resurrection"

Wear white.

Prophet Muhammad SAW said: "wear white cloth as these are more clean and pure and wrap up your dead in them"

Start dua before you wear.

Prophet Muhammad SAW said: "Allah will forgive all his sins whoever recites the following: All praises to Allah Who gave me this to wear and gave it to me without any strength and ability on my part"

Lastly, just because everyone is wearing it, doesn't mean you have to follow them. What's right is right, what's wrong is wrong

Prophet Muhammad SAW said: "any person who copies the ways of a nation is of the same nation"

And Allah knows best.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Extremists.

2012-01-26T23:26:00.000-08:00

One thing which I like to point out. There is a hadith saying that:

"Religion is very easy and whoever overburdens himself in his religion will not be able to continue in that way. So you should not be extremists, but try to be near to perfection and receive the good tidings that you will be rewarded; and gain strength by worshipping in the mornings, afternoons and during the last hours of the nights." Prophet Muhammad SAW

I'm mentioning this because I've come across so many people who are taking things way over the top. There comes a time when someone told me that the Prophet Muhammad eats Honey and dates, and he likes them, that it is an obligatory to all of us to like them too. so when I say, I do not like eating dates because they are too sweet, so I normally eat a quarter of it, they will say that I am disobeying the prophet, therefore disobeying Allah.

Another is when I try to feed a dog, they say I'm disobeying the Lord as dogs are haraam in Islam. So even I can't feed them.

what is this? I've come across so many hadith and Qur'an verses and it doesn't mention anything about someone eating a date as wajib. And never have I heard dog being marked as "haraam" more to "impure." This is an act of an extremist, more or less, a transgressor.

"O you who have believed, if there comes to you a disobedient one with information, investigate, lest you harm a people out of ignorance and become, over what you have done, regretful."

[Qur'an 49:6]

"And do not pursue that of which you have no knowledge. Indeed, the hearing, the sight and the heart - about all those (one) will be questioned."

[Qur'an 17:36]

So I'm going to make things more clear. In a way as I would normally do.

"Fight in the way of Allah those who fight you but do not transgress. Indeed. Allah does not like transgressors."

[Qur'an 2:190]

There are several hadith which mentioned dogs specifically:

"Whoever keeps a dog, one Qirat of the reward of his good deeds is deducted daily, unless the dog is used for guarding a farm or cattle." Prophet Muhammad SAW

"Angels do not enter a house where there is a dog or a picture of a living creature (a human being or an animal)."

"A prostitute was forgiven by Allah, because, passing by a panting dog near a well and seeing that the dog was about to die of thirst, she took off her shoe, and tying it with her head-cover she drew out some water for it. So, Allah forgave her because of that."

"If a dog drinks from your vessel, wash it seven times."

- Prophet Muhammad SAW

So basically, if we do touch a dog, it is not haraam. If it is haraam, we would receive a great amount of punishment in the hellfire as should be mentioned in either the hadith or the Qur'an. Which is not mentioned at all. Like drinking Alcohol is mentioned, therefore it is haraam. But, as the Prophet said so himself, if you touch it or it touches you or any of your property, wash it seven times. the fact that it is told to be washed seven times with pure water is because of its impurity. And the fact that it is impure, when you brought a dog into the house, the angels cannot enter it, because, well, angels are pure. And what is pure cannot mix with the impure, make sense? okay.

so whoever says that a dog is haraam is obviously have gone over the top.

and about dates there are also several hadith mentioning it:

"When any of you breaks his fasting he should eat dates cause dates are blessing, if he didn’t find dates then drink water cause water is purifying"

"A household that has dates doesn’t feel hunger"

"Who eats seven pressed dates in the morning, will not be inflected with witchcraft or poisoning that day"

- Prophet Muhammad SAW

So does it say anything about how i MUST like eating dates? no? okay.

The hadith mentioned how dates are blessing and how it will prevent you from harm. The prophet does not force you to eat it, he is advising you to do so, if you don't eat it, you are not disobeying Allah at all. In fact, there is a hadith mentioning about what you should eat.

"Eat whatever you wish and wear whatever you desire unless there is extravagance or false pride" Prophet Muhammad SAW

I rest my case.

I know most of you would think I would mention "extremists" as those who are terrorists or whatever but I dislike the matters of politics. so i'll just leave things as it is.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Listen girls

2012-01-19T20:12:00.000-08:00

A brother of Islam wrote this and I've asked the permission to share this. This is to ALL the girls out there (especially Muslims). Take a good read. I promise it's worth it:

Don’t be the type of woman that is happy with her body but shows it off to other people. That’s being arrogant to your Lord. He gave you something desirable, and you turned it into something you think you created.

Read the Qur’an. What does this lead to EVERY time? It leads to being drawn away from Him. You can have all the right outside appearances, but if you harbor arrogance inside, you won’t enter Jannah. No one remembers the Last Day anymore. If you dare remind others of it, they’ll cut you off, mock you, ignore you, and go on with their own worlds.

Why do you want attention from other guys for your looks? That’s all I see in American movies and songs and even Bollywood movies and songs and Asian movies and songs and even cartoons. Shahrukh Khan making a shirtless, seductive pose with an innocent girl who just turned 20. Dude’s 46 years old, married, and has kids. What the hell is this insanity? Everyone wants to act younger. Their movies are all about this noise all well. Stories have been dead for so long. Now all we have is pornography.

No, when I’m 46, I’d like to not do shit that makes me wonder what the hell am I doing with my life dancing with some girl I could father spreading messages of lust to little teenagers who are also like my children, all of them aspiring to be as fake as I know I am, while acting like I’m the shit.

Am I old school, a loser, and a douchebag for thinking that this shit is not okay? Yeah, probably. But I don’t care. My sons and daughters will be men and women. I’ll stand up to all the noise of society any day to make sure of that.

I don’t want my wife having suggestive pictures of her in person or online. Why? Because first of all, it’s His rule. Second of all, she’s mine. Third of all, I should be making sure I go so hard on her, so fast, and for so long, that she won’t even think of any sexual desires. Just like me. I expect to be sexually satisfied to the fullest. And then I can have a much easier time lowering my eyes. Until then, I’m working on becoming wiser about the world and about my own passions and lusts, and about figuring out how to say these things to others without them thinking I’m judging them, because I’m never looking to judge - only to understand and help, like they do me.

These girls today, man. They’re something else. Listen to Nicky Minaaj interviews and it’s like she so messed up that she’s completely forgotten who she is. She doesn’t even care anymore. I want a man. But, but, but I also don’t want to be interrupted when I’m doing work by dancing on other men. But I also want someone who wants to write me love stories and says I’m cute and beautiful. Yeah, good luck with that, sister girl. You want someone who worships you. Easy to find nowadays with these fake boys we have who live their lives working out to get abs just so that they can have sex with you. I’m glad your priorities are so straight, and your vision so long-term, awesome celebrities that are taking over my world.

And then when you see people you care about like these people, you just want to go to bed, forever.

It’s not about the hijab. I don’t even care about that. That’s between you and your Lord. Just have some self-respect. My God. You’re not a princess. You’re clay and water. Just like the rest of us ugly people. There will always be a prettier girl, a richer person.

If you want a man that’s cool with you flaunting your stuff to the world, that’s cool. So be it. But just realize that your man, if he’s got his ish together, will provide you and love you more than all of your imagined schemes ever can.

Just be real. Be real in person. Be real online. Be real always. He’s always watching. Don’t live these double lives. This world, look back on it. Do you feel like it’s already been 18 years, 25 years, 30 years? Ask your parents. They’re only a few years from passing. What will help them in the Next Life? Their looks, their abs, their curves, their skin? Or their deeds? How can you help them?

If you hear a song, and think, aw, I wish someone could hold me like that. Just know that He’s already written that someone for you. You’re women. You will be the leaders our houses. You will train your men and your children to stand tall against the noise of the world. You need this time to learn that patience and humility. You’ll get your hot, steaming, passionate sex. You will. You’ll go skin to skin and it’ll be just like your dreams. You’ll get those chubby cheeks from your kids and watch them grow into just as beautiful human beings as you are. Then you’ll watch your husband pass away, and your kids marry. Or maybe you’ll go first. Allah knows best.

But you have to always keep in mind that there aren’t any breaks to listen to the Shaitan in this world. This life is temporary. Keep your mind disciplined.

And guys, don’t fall for girls who are pretty on the outside but can’t take this criticism to their faces. If they can’t take words that were said from our Prophet (p.b.u.h.) she’s not worth crushing over or marrying. And girls, don’t fall for guys who do this. They’re not worth it, either. You have it MUCH harder, because almost every guy is two-faced.

They see a picture of your face. They think how can I have sex with this woman. They see a picture of your lips. They think how can I make out with this woman. They see a picture of your ass. They think how can I grab her and have sex with this woman. If you’re covered, they see nothing, but then they see everything: they think how can I have sex with this woman.

We are more fascinated by our illusions than we are by reality. And when we get our illusion, we create more illusions. Just imagine that look. You’re having sex with your spouse, and his or her eyes are thinking of someone else. Asthaghfirullah. We chase these illusions like fools, and follow fools who follow their lusts. Wake up. Stop being so short-sighted. You want attention? Get it from your family, your friends, and save your bodies for your spouses. You want good sex? Have good control of your desires. You want good children? Live by your words. You want good friends? Say this right to their face and if they leave, then never let them in again. They’re frauds. Don’t let it hurt you. Just don’t. It’ll slow down your learning process. If they come back, keep them forever.

Just take care of yourselves. We can’t lose anymore women. If you’re bored, read a book, pick up the Qur’an, stare at a wall and ask “why” questions and pierce the infinite mercies around you: the infinite questions that bring us closer to the answer of Him. Just be careful. When you’re bored, you get lazy, and you eff up. When you eff up, you either repent and become good after experiencing unneeded pain, or you start going down the path of illusions.

Be strong. If you made the du’a for a man, keep your deen, ALL the time. I know it’s hard. It’s hard as hell. But endure. That’s why you need this loneliness and boredom. Overcome it and learn patience and endurance. You’ll need it for your husbands and for your kids.

Ignore the ignorant. It sucks when you see them drinking, and having fun, and making out, and having sex with anyone they want, and knowing that you can do any of that if you wanted to at any moment. But remain attached to His rope. Please. For the sake of the ummah.

I know this is an unpopular message. I’ve lost so many friends with this. Yo, keep your boobies in, people will want to motorboat them, home girl. Yo, don’t show your stuff to others. They’ll think of sex. Yo, don’t hint at sensual stuff with your words to others. They’ll think of sex. Yo, remember Allah.

The most annoying thing is that when you give a reminder nowadays, people take offense. In the old days, the Companions would always recite Surah Al-‘Asr before parting. By the time. Verily! Man is in loss. Except those that believe, and do righteous good deeds, speak the Truth, and remain patient and consistent.

Hear that after hanging with your friends, and we’d get mad. We’d much rather hear, yo listen up niggas, we gonna get this bitch drunk, talk her up, pull her shirt up a lil, feel up some of her skin, grind her up real good on the dance floor, show her our shit, and then we gots her! Stick together, seem cool, suck yo cheeks in, have a mean look on your face, and keep attracting mo bitches. Remain patient and consistent.

Ugh. I hate this world so much.

But I’m the loser, the uptight, old-school, FOB for thinking we should treat all women like we’d want our mothers and daughters to be treated. That we should live as men and women just like our fathers and mothers taught us. That we should live to obey Him and trust that His pleasures are much greater than our illusions whispered to us from our sworn enemy.

He will fulfill all our desires, plus keep our intellect intact, and give us hearts strong enough to overcome the largest oppressors so that everyone is safe from lusts and illusions.

Whatever. I probably angered some more people. Day in the life, I guess. I don’t plan on stopping. Stop the haste and the assumptions. Slow down life and contemplate. There are NO breaks. Love you and wish you peace, my human family.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Dear Faizah

2012-01-17T05:14:00.000-08:00

Happy belated birthday. I know I was suppose to text you on Sunday but my credit was zero (correction, IS zero). And I waited and waited till my dad will send me some. But he wont. So now I won't waste my time. I'm sure he will send it to me latest this weekend. But by that time, I'm afraid, you will think that I'm a bad friend. You will think that I forgot about your birthday. just my thoughts. I didn't. Never. 151 is the number I remember. 151 is the number that goes through my head whenever I think of you.

i love you, for taking the time to get to know me better. you were always so patient with me. No matter what I do, you were always so patient. and i thank you for that. you are a smart individual. Yes, quite shy and quiet, but you are independent. And you are one of the most creative people i've ever met (apart from Claudia. hehe). When you set your mind to things, you have a way with words. I truly admire you for that.

And not everyone get to see that side of you: the fun and outgoing side. I wish they could. I wish they could see you the way that I do. You are but one special ingredient to my life.

May Allah bless you. and may He lead you to the right path of Jannah. Amiin.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Dear future Child...

2012-01-17T03:33:00.000-08:00

Dear future child, how are you? do you miss me?

I missed you.

I have been waiting for the moment for that one day when I carry you in my stomach for nine months.

I have been waiting for the moment for that one day when you will begin kicking in my stomach, creating a beautiful emotional bond between you and I.

i have been waiting for the moment for that one day when I see you for the first time via ultrasound.

i have been waiting for the moment for that one day when I pray to Allah, while it brings me closer to Him, it will also bring you closer to Him.

I have been waiting for the moment for that one day when I will feel the most pain because that will be the time for you to come out from my stomach.

I have been waiting for the moment for that one day when I can finally hold you in my arms for the first time ever.

I am crying. Not because I’m still longing for that to happen one day. But because I know you are out there, and it will happen. It may not happen right now, today or tomorrow, or the next day, but it will happen someday. It’s such a beautiful process of life, motherhood.

Dear future child, you are the light of my life.

I will love you with all my heart and I will do whatever it takes to protect you from harm because losing you, means losing a part of myself.

Dear future child, while I am trying to be lost in my love for Allah, your father is doing the same. And when we reunite by marriage with our love for Allah, you will one day come.

And it may still not happen, but I will still think of you, the child I’ve been longing to have. I love you.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

New years at Sin City

2012-01-02T01:25:00.000-08:00

I've heard about sin city and I've been there myself. But I've never experienced the whole "sinning show" thing, at least not to the extent of an extreme sinning, usually it was just a small kind of thing. But not this time. But now I know. Now I understand. New years. 2012. They all make such a big deal out of it. Even the Muslims. Such a shame, really. I went there just to get a taste of my first MRT ride for the past 6 years (you know how eager I can be) but to destination unknown as I was just tagging along with some friends. And when the MRT door was opened, there it was. Shimmering lights everywhere. Sparkly fireworks with its loud drum-like beating sound. Skyscrapers filtered with smoke and all the people from Sin city with their so-called "sexiest gilttering outfits" and also in which we Bruneians would call them "poklen outfits."

Crowded. People then began screaming HAPPY NEW YEAR while spraying some party foam aerosol to the strangers near them or even their closest friends as soon as they finished their FOUR THREE TWO ONE countdown. Some went over the top, spraying the victims' eyes which then lead to a riot. Punching and kicking all over the place. Blood on the ground. But nit everyone bothered, really. Most of them were too busy singing and dancing along with the loud sinister music played from the enormous stage at the center of the city.

Picture a DJ concert, where people are dancing everywhere as if they are in a club. Now picture it much bigger. That's sin city. Of course, there are drugs and alcohol and lots of public display of affection; It's an outside "club" after all.

There was a man in a drunken state right in front of me and a police officer too. This is a country of Islam. And those with alcohol should be arrested. But the police officer just stayed there and watch the man who was completely drunk, who was also holding a bottle of alcohol. JUST STAYED AND WATCH a Muslim drink bottles of alcohol? seriously? How can he not be arrested? And I saw some others having fun with their colourful smoked shisha too.

You think I enjoyed all of this? No, I seriously don't. I walked around trying to pass through these citizens. We held hands so that no one would get lost. Everyone is as close to one another from one's shoulder to another one's shoulder. Of course, I was petrified. Towards the whole "event" I kept repeating myself "La Ilaha IllAllah Muhammadar Rasulullah" and "Allahu Akbar Allahu Akbar." And honestly, I almost cried; I tried not to. I kept coughing and coughing.

"What have I put myself into?"

This is the youth today. I am scared of what will happen next. Of how my children will be like in the future. How my little brothers and sisters will be like in the future. How my grandchildren will be like in the future. Will they do the same? Will everyone soon be like this? Will I be like them too? Soon I imagined myself being punished in the hellfire, and in the grave. SubhanAllah! I was horrified. This is upsetting to me.

Luckily, I found my way to the mosque, a safer place for me. But the others got kicked out as it is a "cover your aurah zone" and my companions didn't do exactly that. So then eventually we ran back to our hotel (pretty hard to find in a crowded place like that) right after a second ride to the MRT.

Finally relieved that it was over for me. Over for the Sin City nightmare. Over for my biggest fear of sinning.

There it was. New years at sin city. Who would have thought that I'd be there.

May Allah be with all of you.

TAG REPLIES:

Anna; Waalaikumsalam. I don't mind. JazakAllahu khair! :)
Claudia; :)

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Visit to the mosque

2012-01-02T01:15:00.000-08:00

We SHOULD have this everywhere in Brunei, seriously.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Christmas.

2012-01-02T00:49:00.001-08:00

I remember I posted this during Christmas on Facebook and Twitter.

And because of this, I kept getting indirect responses from statuses. So many complaining. They call us hypocrites or shallow due to the fact that their "faith" has been questioned when they greeted their Christian friends "Merry Christmas" but their Christian friends' "faith" is not questioned when they greeted us "Selamat Hari Raya" during Eid.

First of all, Hari Raya is celebrated to mark the end of Ramadhan, breaking the fast. Eid is an Arabic word meaning "festivity," while Fiṭr means "breaking the fast." It does not have anything against their faith as this festivity is for everyone and even the non-Muslims themselves are fasting with us.

As for Christmas, it's a whole different story. As a Muslim, we agreed upon this:

[Qur'an 112:1-4]

And Christmas is about the exact opposite. Which is why our faith is questioned.

DON'T BE IGNORANT. DON'T BE ARROGANT.

If you like something but it is against your faith, do not be in denial. Allah knows what's best and you don't. Ask for forgiveness. Fear Allah for Allah forgives all sins, He is Most Forgiving and Merciful. As said in the Quran, itself:

[Qur'an 2:216]

Hope this settles the "argument".

May Allah be with all of you.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Letters to you

2011-12-20T13:18:00.000-08:00

Messages to the following people:

Izah, Nana, Fatin, Umi, Meza, Claudia, Shiqin and Far.

my Letters to you page,

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

sacrifice the music.

2011-12-16T14:36:00.000-08:00

And I thought Music was a good idea so I bought a keyboard. Alhamdulillah, I read the hadith and discovered its prohibition. So I decided to smash it. Bye-bye to you forever. I will not allow anymore “music” to my ears.

And yes, have just deleted the music player on my blog.

“There will be people of my Ummah who will seek to make lawful; fornication, wine-drinking and the use of ma`aazif (musical instruments)” Prophet Muhammad SAW

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

SEEDS 3 musketeers

2011-12-12T10:31:00.001-08:00

i don't know why i'm back. Maybe i just need to think things through. Dine, Maj and Luqman will be away for 3 months because they're doing the 'national service' thing. Of course i'm upset. One, i'll miss a chance to see Maj in a spotlight. For once seeing him on stage, i got to see a whole new him; a more confident Maj. And i would like to see more. It's like a mother seeing her boy growing. He changed. A lot. In a good way. And now i can't see him grow. Because he won't be joining us for Willy Wonka. As for Luqman, i just knew him this year. I'll miss him. He's like a little brother to me. Even though he's older than me. He has this cute character that i just can't get enough of, i just want to pinch his cheeks. He's like a baby. He's the baby bear. Even his voice is baby-ish. As for Dine, well, he's a different story. Once he was my prince and now he's my father. And even though i called him lame a million times, he'd still be the one who never fails on making me laugh. We'd be playing tag, call each other names and make up debts that doesn't make sense. It's funny because when he said 'Till we meet again' i had a feeling that 'again' will never happen. Or maybe it's just me. These are the SEEDS 3 musketeers.

But no matter what happens,

"Don't be sad, Allah is with us" [Qur'an 9:40]

"Indeed, in the remembrance of Allah, do find heart's satisfaction" [Qur'an 13:28]

these verses always make my day. and Allah made things happen for a reason.

TAG REPLIES:

Barbie; JazakAllahu Khair sister! :) Let's help each other out on becoming great servants of Allah, and InshaAllah we will be placed close to Muhammad SAW in the heavens. Amin. And I started using PYZAM for the blog set up.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Beautiful :')

2011-11-13T05:57:00.001-08:00

Allah is the most beautiful thing in the world :') and seriously, this makes me cry :')

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Patience is everything. especially at UBD alone

2011-11-13T02:07:00.000-08:00

So yeah, on the 10th November, I had SEEDS rehearsals and apparently my parents forgot to pick me up, even my sister. So I waited and waited and waited. From 4:45pm till 7:15pm.

and the whole time I kept going on and on about how important patience is for a Muslim so I didn't care that much. At least I got to see the cycle of Maghrib to night, a beautiful creation of Allah.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

What opened my eyes

2011-11-04T04:41:00.000-07:00

"Islam is a waste with you.

You call yourself a proud Muslim and yet you don't act like a Muslim at all.

A Muslim is a believer. Someone who has devoted their life for One, Allah.

You are not a Muslim. You don't even dress like one.

Some people are born Muslims. But you cannot be so sure that you will die as one.

Sure, you do your five daily prayers but THAT'S IT?

You don't even know anything about Islam. Not the Qur'an, Not the Hadith. You've forgotten all of that after you left your Ugama School, after you finished your IRK.

You have taken Islam for granted. If you have done more than what you have done, you will know that Islam is more than just do your prayers. It is far more beautiful than that."

No, this is not real. I had a dream about some man saying this to me a day before Ramadhan. And I can never forget his words. This changed me. This made me who I am today. And for the others, I hope it will open yours too.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

I will for You

2011-11-04T04:12:00.000-07:00

It seems as if it has been a long journey for me. I’ve come to discover that no matter how much I’ve tried to look behind the past, it will still continue to find its way back to me, hurting me. I know I’ve made a million mistakes and these mistakes could be unforgivable but I know that no matter what happened before, I have changed. I am a better person now. Shouldn’t that matter the most? No. Not to them. But you know what? They don’t matter either. What Allah thinks of me, that’s what really matters right now. Yes, The Superior matters more than the slaves of The Superior. I really wish that everything I do really pleases Allah. But someone once told me that I should never say “I wish,” I should always say “I will.” And I WILL. I WILL try to do my best to please Allah alone. I don’t care if I have to suffer. Suffering is a part of a test from Allah. He wants to see if you are devoted enough to Him. He wants to test your patience. He wants to see a true believer. He wants to see a real slave of Allah. I want to suffer for Allah. I want to meet Allah in the heavens and I want to thank Him for everything.

Funny. As I’m typing this, I can’t help myself but cry. I just want to be close to Him more than anything else in the world. Everyday, I lay on my bed, preparing for death, a chance for me to leave the world and enter a life where I could finally meet Allah. I even stay at home on a Friday reading the Qur’an, waiting for the day of Resurrection, hoping that my last words would be the words from the book of Allah. But I’m still here. I’m still here. It means that Allah still have plans for me. Or maybe, He wants me to serve Him more. I will. I will. I will. I will, Allah. I will for You.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Hadith of the week

2011-10-20T21:07:00.000-07:00

Prophet Muhammad: “I saw Paradise (or Paradise was shown to me), and I stretched my hand to pluck a bunch (of grapes), and had I plucked it, you would have eaten of it as long as this world exists. Then I saw the (Hell) Fire, and I have never before, seen such a horrible sight as that, and I saw that the majority of its dwellers were women.”

The people asked, “O Allah’s Apostle! What is the reason for that?”

He replied, “Because of their ungratefulness.”

It was said. “Do they disbelieve in Allah (are they ungrateful to Allah)?”

He replied, “They are not thankful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors done to them. Even if you do good to one of them all your life, when she seems some harshness from you, she will say, “I have never seen any good from you.’ “

Al-Hadith, Sahih Bukhari

and this is to Nina (who ever you are):

Abu Hurairah narrated that the messenger of Allah said :

"Let him who believes in Allah and the Last Day either speak good or keep silent, and let him who believes in Allah and the Last Day be generous to his neighbour, and let him who believes in Allah and the Last Day be generous to his guest"

Al-Hadith, Sahih Bukhari

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

7th October

2011-10-07T07:29:00.000-07:00

Best 18th birthday ever

Oh, Thank you all for the BEAUTIFUL PRESENTS AND GREETINGS :D

May Allah Bless you all and may He guide you to the right path of Jannah :)

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Eid and teacher's day in PTEM 2011

2011-09-23T11:11:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry, been too busy lately because I have finally been appointed as PTEM PRS Official Activity Planner! :) :) So I've been doing a lot of event planning lately :) so here are the updates:

21st September, a friend of mine, gave me this as a gift, It came a bit of a shocking to me, but hey, I love chocolates, so thank you :)

22nd September, We had a Hari Raya and Teacher's day celebration at PTEM and Alhamdulillah, it went well :) I actually wore a niqab for the first time, People may have judged me, mocked me in any other way, but it didn't bother me, really. It was my decision. I want to wear a niqab and I shall wear a niqab! :)

Credit goes to Zayas :)

23rd September

In my country, Brunei Darussalam, Today is the National “Teacher’s day” So I take this opportunity to thank my teachers.

First of alll, I shall thank Allah, for being one of the most influential teachers of all time. Everytime I commit a mistake, by doing my prayers, Allah have guide me to the right path. Whenever I’m alone, I feel empty, then I recite the Qur’an, I KNOW Allah have always been there for me, He shows me that I’m never alone. So Happy Teacher’s day, Allah.

Second, I shall thank Prophet Muhammad SAW and his fellow companions, for also, being one of the most influential teachers. For I learn of what is good, and what is bad, what I should and what I should not do whilst reading the hadith. I know what to believe. and I know what not to. So Happy Teacher’s day, Prophet Muhammad SAW and his fellow companions.

Third, I shall thank my parents, for also being good teachers. They taught me how to learn, how to eat, how to dress up, and so much more. They have been my teachers ever since I entered this world. So Happy Teacher’s day, mum and dad.

And Lastly, I shall thank my teachers in school. They teach me what I should know, and when I did it wrongly, they taught me how to correct myself. And they taught me a road to a successful life. So Happy Teacher’s day, teachers

Tag replies (Warning: this might be a long one. lol):

Soon; Hello! :)

Anonymous; Why, yes, yes, I do. Thank you for pointing that out :) Some people may have felt ashamed of their past for Shaytan will always remind you of your past. and I believe it is also a test from Allah. So whenever someone reminds me of my past, I shall take that as a test, to make me a better person. The pictures of me showing my own awrah, It also taught me not to be like that anymore. So everytime I repent to Allah, I look back at those pictures, thinking "SubhanAllah! What was I thinking?" and it made me a stronger Muslim as I am today, Alhamdulillah. I may have done a lot of sins but those pictures are the most obvious evidence for me to know how I've gone this far. I am not ashamed of my past, for my past IS what makes me who I am today. For my previous sins are my strongest reason to turn to Allah NOW. I read in the hadith that says "Fear your sins more than you fear the enemy as your sins are more dangerous to you than your enemy" Umar Ibn Al-Khattab. I also read this somewhere (not from hadith) that says "When Shaytan reminds you of YOUR past, remind him of HIS FUTURE." and also, "When someone tries to bring you down when you're trying to be a better Muslim, just smile and say, 'You are a TEST that Allah has sent to me'" Indeed, anonymous, you are a test from Allah to me. I also want to show that not every Muslim is perfect with all good deeds for they may do sins along the way but they can keep asking for Allah's forgiveness for Allah is most merciful to His servants. Which also reminds me of a hadith I read recently, “Islam began as something strange, and it shall return to being something strange, so give glad tidings to the strangers.” - Prophet Muhammad SAW. Also, Prophet Muhammad SAW said: “All human beings without exception are sinful, but the best sinners are those who repent the most.” My other brothers and sisters of Islam, you are not alone, for I too, have done many sins before, even the major ones. And I hope this shall be a lesson to all of you :)

Myra; Alhamdulillah! Thank you so much for supporting me :) May Allah bless you :)

Zakaria; Greetings from Brunei! :)

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Did this with love

2011-09-03T16:43:00.000-07:00

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

4th day of Eid

2011-09-03T16:35:00.000-07:00

Date: 03/09/2011

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

3rd day of Eid

2011-09-03T16:24:00.000-07:00

Date: 2/09/2011

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

2nd day of Eid

2011-09-03T16:00:00.000-07:00

Date: 1/09/2011

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

First day of Eid

2011-09-03T15:19:00.000-07:00

Date: 31/08/2011

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Sungkai plus Shopping with family at Times Square

2011-09-03T15:06:00.000-07:00

Date: 23/08/2011

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Sungkai with Family at Rizqun

2011-09-03T14:49:00.000-07:00

Date: 21/08/2011

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

2011-08-22T01:30:00.000-07:00

I will be leaving the internet world. Just for a while. And maybe lock my phone somewhere I'm too lazy to fetch so that I won't go and fetch it at all. I need focus. And yes, no more dates too ;) I WANT TO MAKE A FULL COMMITMENT TO THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE (probably, maybe)

As for the rest of you, Goodluck!

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

PTEM holds tahlil and sungkai event

2011-08-18T08:12:00.000-07:00

Students and donation recipients of PTEM reciting the Surah Yaasiin and tahlil prior to breaking their fast. - HAMIDAH ISMAIL

In conjunction with the Nuzul al-Quran, the Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya (PRS) and Student Council members of Meragang Sixth Form Centre (PTEM) organised a tahlil and sungkai event with PTEM orphaned students at the D'Anggerek Service Apartment in Kg Anggerek Desa yesterday.

The event served as one of their charity projects aimed at exposing the PRS and Student Council members of their roles to society as well as to foster pristine values and caring attitude towards their less fortunate colleagues.

The recital of Surah Yaasiin and tahlil was led by Cikgu Shahrul Aminan bin Haji Mohiddin. Also present was the Principal of PTEM, Ms Chong Li Chen, deputy principals, as well as donors consisting of a representative from the Bank Islam Brunei Darussalam (BIBD) who donated Yaasiin and Takhtim booklets, the manager of Syarikat Perniagaan Malar Setia, parents and lecturers who contributed cash donations.

The donation, which was distributed among 50 Muslim and non-Muslim orphans, was a result of a joint effort by PRS and Student Council members who managed to collect a total of B$480.50 from August 8 to 13, 2011.

Source: Borneo Bulletin

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Amalina Zemahari

2011-08-18T00:15:00.001-07:00

Al-fatihah to whom i consider one of my best friends, who left mother earth yesterday with her 4 month child. I love you. And i'm really sorry i couldn't be there all the time. But i really love you :'( may Allah bless you for your kindness on earth :'(

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Majlis bersungkai with Orphans.

2011-08-17T23:37:00.000-07:00

Date: 17 August

Venue: D'Anggerek Hotel

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

SAQIF TURNS ONE!

2011-08-16T07:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, 15/08/11

Saqif turns one! It seems like as if was yesterday when i first saw him in the hospital :') and noooowww, HE'S ONE! <3 <3 <3

and those Americans MAY get their car when they turn 16, but Saqif gets his when he turns ONE! ;)

I LOVE YOU FOREVER SAQIF! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY BOY!

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Ramadhan ya marhaban~~

2011-08-12T08:23:00.000-07:00

Had Sungkai plus Tahlil and my departed grandparents' place.

But anyway, tonight's a full moon and it's so wonderful <3 <3 <3 so beautiful <3 <3

I'm gonna sleep now :P Night peeps!

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

more from that night.

2011-08-11T08:20:00.000-07:00

Credits goes to Mr. "Michael Yap"

CHEERS,XOXO, Z

Enough is enough.

2011-08-10T05:32:00.000-07:00

The habit of hurting people. It has to stop NOW. I've been injured too much and I've been patient. You are probably the worst friend anyone could ever have. You know, if you like a girl, YOU TELL HER. You don't just hit her for being with other guys and hit the other guys too for being with her, YOU TELL HER. This is your problem. You have the biggest ego. seriously. And don't you know that they're my friends? and the flirting bit was just a part of our humour. and obviously you don't get it. Jealousy can really kill you. and if you keep on doing this, maybe someday EVERYONE will get sick of you that you ended up being all alone. forever. Even I, myself, is trying to avoid you.

Call me when you grow up.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

2011-08-09T00:36:00.000-07:00

it just hits me. Alif, you've been protecting me too much. Just stop now. Please? I can't stand seeing you get hurt. You're that precious to me. YOU mean the world to me.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

GOOD STUFF :0)

2011-08-07T02:19:00.000-07:00

I'll be organizing an event THAT YOU WILL NEVER FORGET. It's so big you might just faint. HAHAH. gonna be busier than before. Because this is my project as a "trainee" of a future activity planner. I SO CAN'T WAIT :D

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

If you must know. no, YOU MUST.

2011-08-04T23:11:00.000-07:00

"I knew i had feelings for you from the beginning. Even when i was dating someone else, I'd bother about you more. I'd worry about you when you're hurt, even when it's just something too little to worry about. It seems to me that everything about you matters. But I didn't wanna admit it. because i thought i was hallucinating or something. Or maybe i was just trying to be a good friend.

But there's something that we have that no one else does. Connection. You were the only person in the world who would understand me. I don't need to tell you anything, you would already know what I'm thinking. And when I'm sad, I lied about being okay and YOU KNEW that i was lying. I could fool everybody else, but not you.

and you were always there for me, a best friend i could never have. I would cry at most nights feeling pathetically stupid, but it's never stupid to you. You would stay up all night, even though you are tired, just to wipe these tears away.

And when that time comes, when we're both sad, we admit our weaknesses but because of that, it made us stronger; Like never before. Because we are most powerful when we admit our weaknesses. We would tell each other secrets that we wouldn't even dare tell anyone else, even our closest friends. Because we trust each other more than anyone else we've known for so long.

We both cherish our family members and most importantly, our friends whom we've known for years. But when they started to disappoint us or hurt us, we both know that we always have each others' back.

and at times we're crazy. the both of us. We'd still be in our beds, sending texts and haven't gone out to the showers yet until it's noon. because we enjoy each others' company. We would play TAG YOU'RE IT and chase around each other around a building and everyone would look at us saying "what the hell are they doing?" and we wouldn't even care what they say.

we would tease each other, calling each other names of random things you'll find in your house. and we would remind each other to pay something that we didn't even had any debts for. because life is so much more fun like that.

we were never alone. I have you. and you have me.

I'm so glad I found you. And you should know that i love being around you. You make me feel special when i know I'm not."

I've written this on paper that was meant to be sent... but i guess I find myself stupid at times that i decided to throw it away. Now, I don't feel like that anymore. Because i know you never thought of me as stupid.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

MP/PRS Appreciation Night

2011-07-31T07:37:00.000-07:00

30th July night

start off with the dance performance :)

IT WAS AN AWESOME NIGHT <3 <3 <3

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Traditional dance practice at D'Anggerek Hotel

2011-07-31T07:36:00.000-07:00

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Baby Alya

2011-07-31T07:25:00.000-07:00

26TH JULY, born Baby Alya. My first EVER NIECE. HEHEH. FINALLY, A GIRL! lol

this picture was taken when she turned 3 days old ;)

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Sister's birthday

2011-07-31T07:15:00.000-07:00

My sister ends her "teen" years.

we celebrated with a lunch at Sha Bu Sha Bu on the 24th July

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Dinner plus bowling

2011-07-31T06:44:00.000-07:00

Big thanks to Teo, Ethan, Rumey, Ruth, Mushaf, Fadli, Fatriah, Zul, Wong, Michee, Hasif, Hilmi for coming :)

Yes, there are only three of us girls. LOL.

You guys made my night <3 <3 <3

Venue: Seri Kemayan
Date: 23rd July

Here's a group photo. credit goes to Fadli.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Traditional dance practice in school.

2011-07-31T06:42:00.000-07:00

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Harry Potter premiere

2011-07-31T06:29:00.000-07:00

one word: epic

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

FAKE BIRTHDAY

2011-07-24T02:01:00.000-07:00

I remember my last birthday. How awful it was. Because instead of a birthday, it was a funeral, my aunt's death. I cried for weeks. I couldn't get over it. I missed her so much. I loved her so much. But somehow, a part of me.... feels like she's still here no matter what and i know my other family members feels the same way. WRONG.

I know i don't have a right to put my thoughts over this but this is exactly how i feel. HOW HURT i was. He's getting re-married soon; my uncle. as a replace to my dead aunt. The aunt I've cried for. So basically, SHE'S VERY MUCH DEAD NOW. and i'm hurt. I'M REALLY HURT. and so, one day, i decided to change my birthday on Facebook as "OFFICIALLY DECLARING HER DEATH" and i was upset.

so i have these greetings from my friends. The friends I've been with for a long time. the friends who I've known for YEARS. THEY GREETED ME! So basically all this time, THEY STILL DON'T REMEMBER MY REAL BIRTHDAY? such a shame, really. I took the time remembering theirs, and they didn't even bother to look at mine. I don't give a shit if they've been there with me through the hardest of time because i also did the same and AT LEAST i took the time to remember. I am very disappointed.

another funny thing. and i was touched too. One of my friends sent me an inbox. "I know today is not your birthday. What's going on? I know you're upset. You do stupid things when you're upset. spill, honey" and she's right. and she's the only one who actually can tell what's inside my head. My true, true friend.

You're all my friends, really. You all got my back. But i like to think that friends can be divided. friends who truly cares. friends for the sake of everyone's happiness. friends for benefit. friends you can play around with. a best friend. a fake friend. and others

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Global warming.

2011-07-01T05:03:00.000-07:00

Theme: Acid Rain.

ART ART ART ART ART

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Attached

2011-06-25T06:46:00.000-07:00

"If I ever make fun of you.. it means that my feelings for you are starting to adjust. I’m getting comfortable around you that I could call you names, diss you a few times; ‘cause I’m starting to get used to you. I hope you won’t take it personal, because you know that I won’t hurt your feelings or ever be disrespectful towards you. It doesn’t make sense, but this is a way for me to show you that I’m starting to get attached to you."

#via tumblr

This is a bit kindergarden, that's what they say. But it never gets old. because it might be true.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

SEEDS rehearsal & beach

2011-06-24T04:22:00.000-07:00

Rehearsals for SEEDS mini-play, Monday (if i'm not mistaken)

it was Fecks' birthday, so yeah. the muffins explains it.

Credit goes to SEEDS BRUNEI

Then, off to the beach for a little while.

:)

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

World Ocean Day Award Ceremony

2011-06-24T04:08:00.000-07:00

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

short play.

2011-06-16T04:40:00.000-07:00

I just got back after a performance. A short play I'm a part of. It was fantastic! I still don't know how we managed to pull it off since we've only practiced for THREE DAYS.

It's not too late. here's my latest post

"My dear fellow lovely mates, on Saturday, 18th July, I'll be performing at Sports School at 2pm. please come and support me by watching. only $2 ;) seats are limited so it is a "first come first serve" basis. and if you wanna book your seats, just inbox, but come before 2pm or else the bookings will automatically be cancelled. please and thank you! :)"

here's a sneak peek of it. credit goes to Miza :)

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Leadership course! :)

2011-06-11T22:36:00.000-07:00

Okay, so we had a leadership course from the 6th June until 9th June.

The first day, 6th June, we had a talk at the lecture hall.

Pictures taken from P.R.S. PTE Meragang

2nd day, 7th June, we had aerobics in the morning, did lots of fun games; INCLUDING musical chairs. LOL. and a short "talk" about being a leader.

Pictures taken from P.R.S. PTE Meragang

3rd day, 8th June, was pretty hectic for me. I had to be on THREE EVENTS on the exact same day. In the morning, I had to be at Jabatan Perikanan near Pantai Serasa for an art exhibition about oceans, you may have seen this in my previous posts: Art Exhibition: Oceans and Events show importance of oceans

and then i have to be at the Japanese Embassy representing my school for Charity week as you've seen in my previous post, PTEM donates to victims of natural disaster

after all of that is over, I have to go back to my leadership course located at Pusat Belia, which you also have seen in my previous post: PTE students in leadership course

I didn't take any pictures on that day but i'll just show you some taken from P.R.S. PTE Meragang

4th day, last day of leadership course was held in the Fire station at Berakas. I also posted about this before on Leadership programme to train students as future councellors

now THESE are mine. lol.

credit goes to Mirul! :)

Credit goes to Syamim

Credit goes to Hana! :)

this is taken from P.R.S. PTE Meragang

Alright. I'm done here. btw, those of you who are going to Serasa Beach right now, since it's Sunday and everything, feel free to go to the Jabatan Perikanan next to it, and visit my exhibition booth :) SEEYA THERE! :D

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Leadership programme to train students as future councellors

2011-06-11T21:24:00.000-07:00

A teacher from Meragang PTE receiving a souvenir. - SYAH D

More than 50 students from the Upper Sixth Form Centre (PTE), Meragang recently participated in an activity programme at the headquarters of the Fire and Rescue Department in the capital.

The leadership training programme for the Student Council Peer Advisor group was organised by the Counselling and Students Affairs Unit of the school.

The three-day programme included a variety of activities such as religious lectures from the Islamic Dakwah Centre, leadership briefing, sports games, abseiling and flying fox.

The programme, which ran from June 6 to 9, aimed to prepare the students for their future roles as counsellors by improving their skills.

Article taken from Borneo Bulletin's June 11th issue.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Art Exhibition: Oceans

2011-06-10T07:13:00.000-07:00

exhibition for "Oceans: Greening our future"

venue: Jabatan Perikanan, Serasa.

You've read the article from my last blog post. I was there :) and here are the pictures of our exhibition.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Events show importance of oceans

2011-06-10T07:03:00.000-07:00

Minister of Industry and Primary Resources posing with officials as well as winners of a drawing contest held in conjunction with World Oceans Day 2011. - DEAN KASSIN

In celebration of World Oceans Day 2011 that falls on June 8 worldwide, which carries the theme "Our Oceans: Greening our Future", the Fisheries Department has held, and is holding, numerous activities for students that aim to raise awareness on the importance of oceans.

One activity was a drawing competition that was held from January to March 2011, especially for the Asean-Seafdec Conference on Sustainable Fisheries for Food Security Towards 2020 with the theme "Fish for the People 2020: Adaptation to a Changing Environment".

Winners for the drawing competition, aged between 12 and 15 years old, were feted yesterday where the best four drawings will be displayed at the conference in Bangkok this month.

As part of the celebrations, Brunei Darussalam also released the National Plan of Action to prevent, deter and eliminate illegal, unreported and unregulated (IUU) fishing, which was launched by the minister yesterday and distributed to enforcement agencies such as the Navy, Marine Police and Air Force that will be assisting the Fisheries Department in monitoring and controlling the fishing industry.

The community is also invited to visit the new fisheries building in Serasa where a five-day exhibition is showcasing the work done by the Fisheries Department in preserving the ocean.

Article taken from 9th June Borneo Bulletin's issue

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

PTE students in leadership course

2011-06-10T06:54:00.000-07:00

Trustfall activity. - AHMED SHAHEEB

Fifty students from Pusat Tingkatan Enam (PTE) Meragang are participating in a three-day leadership course organised by PTE's student affairs and counselling unit.

It involves lectures, leadership and motivational talks, flying fox and other fun activities at the Youth Centre in the capital.

The course affirms that every student can be a leader, explores what leadership is and what it is not, and seeks to enhance leadership skills. It also provides opportunities to discover and understand the students' own leadership skills.

The course which ends today is one of the activities arranged to build up the students' confidence in public.

The students will visit the Fire and Rescue Department headquarters to learn to march and various fire fighting skills.

article taken from 9th June Borneo Bulletin's issue

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

PTEM donates to victims of natural disaster

2011-06-10T06:47:00.000-07:00

The students handing over the donation to Mr Kinzo Nakagun.

A group of five students from Meragang Sixth Form Centre headed by Cikgu Hajah Tiamah binti Haji Dollah visited the Embassy of Japan yesterday to donate relief funds for the victims of the Great East Japan Earthquake. They expressed their sincere sympathies for those affected by the earthquake and tsunami.

Meragang Sixth Form Centre organised a charity week from May 1-7 to help raise funds for the victims of earthquake and tsunami that hit Japan in March this year and also for the flood victims in Australia and the earthquake in Christchurch, New Zealand.

Mr Kinzo Nakagun, the Charge d`Affaires of Embassy of Japan received the donation and expressed his gratitude for their heartfelt contribution and encouragement.

article taken from 9th June Borneo Bulletin's Issue

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

why I've been M.I.A (Part 2)

2011-06-10T06:20:00.000-07:00

23rd May; Visit to Pusat Al-Islah

credit goes to Taqy ;)

24th - 27th May; Bollywood Dance practice.

28th May; Bollywood dance performance for a Wedding

Venue: Asma Hotel.

Credit goes to Hilmi :)

the rest are me :)

29th May; Trip to Miri. I don't think i took any pictures. Mostly shopping :P

30th May - 2nd June; Twinning Programme from Singapore - Tampines Junior College.

Venue: PTEM

4th June; Cross country

Venue: PTEM

credit goes to Mimi :)

finish! :) more updates soon :)

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Why I've been M.I.A

2011-06-10T03:35:00.000-07:00

My sincere apologies towards my loyal readers that i have not been updating this blog of mine. and now, I'm making it up to all of you by listing all the activities I've been doing since my last post called "PRS racing trial" which was held at Maktab Duli.

18th and 19th March, SEEDS workshop.

venue: STPRI

This picture, credit goes to SEEDS Brunei.

the rest are all me.

11-14th April, ART COMMITTEE activity, I'm the head.

Venue: PTEM

Credit goes to Mimi Samat ;)

16th April; INTO THE WOODS APPRECIATION NIGHT

Venue: TT Blues

Credit goes to Eemay :)

Credit goes to SEEDS Brunei

Credit goes to Haziq :)

22nd Aril; Art Trip to Yayasan

Venue: Yayasan

Credit goes to Ummi Morsidi

The rest are all me :)

24th April; Beach bunch at Pantai Jerudong.

Credit goes to Zureen Sulaiman

5th and 26th April; SMPDSM visit to PTEM. Sorry, no pictures were taken.

29th, 30th April and 1st May; SEEDS fundraising for charity

Venue: Pusat Belia

credit goes to Zaty :)

2nd - 7th May; CHARITY WEEK for Japan, New Zealand and Australia

Venue: PTEM

credit goes to Mimi Samat :)

credit goes to Farhando

Credit goes to Ethan :P

9th May; RTB Talk show called "Reaksi"

Venue: RTB Sungai Akar

17th May; Meeting for the Heads of Committee. No pictures were taken.

19th May; Malay Olevel exam - back to MS

Venue: MSPSBS

there are more to come. so watch out for my next post.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

get a load of this

2011-06-05T05:52:00.000-07:00

My sister named me after the song called "Siti Zubaidah" BELIEVE IT

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

2011-06-03T06:03:00.000-07:00

AM I SUPPOSE TO BE NERVOUS?

PRESSURE'S ON ME. I'm one of the house captains of Indera Mahkota and i am to run the cross country TOMORROW, competitively.

GO YELLOW. I'll try not to disappoint you.

Besides, last time i ran faster than the others ;) 20 minutes. hehe. I'm gonna make it 15 MINUTES THIS TIME. and all i have to do is think about Ethan and Rumey's laugh. I'm SO GONNA SHOW THEM WHO'S THE BOSS.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

THIS IS SEXY - not

2011-06-03T00:12:00.000-07:00

What turns you on?
What's sexy?

Tell you what, Girls and guys tend to do A LOT of crazy things but that ain't mean that they're gay OR lesbian. You're just stupid enough to put on EVERYTHING into conclusion.

because GUESS WHAT? I'M FUCKING STRAIGHT and yet, I've kissed a girl!

what does THAT tell you?

EVERYBODY would at least have that bicurious moment. i know i have. and so i did it. and it was sexy. and this happened around 2 years ago, i think. I'm here to confess now because I DON'T LIKE WHAT I'VE BEEN HEARING.

YOU PEOPLE CALL MY GIRLS LESBIANS LIKE IT AIN'T HURTING THEM. BUT IT DOES. YOU ASSHOLES. SO SHUT UP AND GET A LIFE. GO OUT GET A BURGER OR SOMETHING. JUST GET A LIFE.

Because If you try and hurt them, I SWEAR I'LL RIP YOUR FACES ONE BY ONE.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

I DUMPED HIM :D

2011-05-30T20:06:00.001-07:00

IT SAYS IT ALL :D he's a jerk anyway :) I seriously deserve someone better.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Makes me go crazy.

2011-05-30T11:45:00.000-07:00

guys are jerks. there aren't any decent ones. and why should there be? My guy mates are all jerks. Most of my male family members are jerks.

I guess there's no reason for me to be upset or hurt. because eventually, he'll do it again. i know because being with Chris had taught me a lot. we keep breaking up. making up. breaking up. making up. because he keeps on repeating the same mistake. Guys just can't help it if they're jerks.

and that maybe one of the reasons why i don't want to play easy. because they might not be worth it. a total waste.

There is no possible way that i could live in a life full with honesty. Everybody lies. They couldn't even keep a promise. All they do is complain. and make a lot of excuses.

Maybe that's why i went wild. i party. i even dance like a total bitch. even act like one. because all i want them to see is how strong i am. I don't want to look weak. I don't want to be weak. You see me walking around with confidence. There is no confidence. It's bullshit.

I am scared to death. scared that i would be used. that i'd be just like those who blew it. Scared that i would be the one making the mistake of losing my precious virtue.

But i do pray; a lot. so that maybe the sins may not be too far; too far that it cannot be forgiven. but he keeps on pushing me to do it. BUT I JUST CAN'T. I'm so much better than that. and i don't think he gets it.

If this keeps on going, i'll back up, just give up and turn lesbian for all i care. Too many jerks in the area.

Back to Into The Woods

2011-04-24T01:04:00.000-07:00

For those who have been waiting for SEEDS "Into The Woods" DVD, it is out. You can seek for it at your SEEDS coaches in your school. it's $5 each. Payment first.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

2011-04-14T23:37:00.000-07:00

I wish i could fly. Then you will never catch me. because i'll be far away, living up to my dreams :)

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

2011-04-12T05:07:00.000-07:00

I had a weird dream. hmmmmmmm

:) sweet oh sweet oral exam :)

2011-04-07T20:27:00.000-07:00

I went back for my Malay oral exam. It was swell :)

Taken place on the 6th of April

and yes, if you ask me, i'm much more happier in PTEM than i am in MS. BEAT THAT!

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

PRS racing trial

2011-04-07T19:28:00.000-07:00

This event took place on the 20th March, at Maktab Duli. The MPs and PRS from selected schools are given a chance to gain their leadership skills in a programme at MD. I didn't get a chance to be a part of it although, they had a racing trial, so i came. I did a race with the others as a trial, for the real thing the next day.

CHEERS,XOXO, Z

2011-04-05T05:06:00.001-07:00

We met at lunch and we talked about a lot of things. And he has made me happier than i could ever be, thank you :)

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

2011-04-04T05:47:00.000-07:00

This little boy was getting ready to marry me. DARWISH

HAHAHA, joking. he's my nephew. this was taken during yesterday's baby shower ;)

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

2011-04-02T06:24:00.000-07:00

okay. is it that obvious? LOL. It seems as if everyone can pretty much guess who my "special someone" is :P

and honestly, YES, he makes my days so bright and colourful ;)

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

2011-03-31T20:54:00.000-07:00

If i am one of those girls from Broadway, who should i be? The murderer?

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

2011-03-30T04:36:00.000-07:00

I know you're mad at me for hurting you. AND I DIDN'T MEAN TO, OKAY? I gave you the green light and you never went for it. So i decided to move on, when he asked me out, i said yes because he's a really nice guy, and he's romantic too and he ACTUALLY CARES about me. And for the fact that matters now is that i like him too. You were a little too late and you blamed everything on me. For hurting you. BUT YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THAT YOU HAD FEELINGS FOR ME UNTIL I HAVE TO FIND IT OUT MYSELF. and now, you're ignoring me because i didn't choose you?

Look, I'm REALLY SORRY, okay? I WAS HURT TOO! I actually cried, when i found out about the truth. and the fact that you ignored me? THAT HURTS A HUNDRED TIMES. I thought you were my friend. i really don't know what to do right now. I'm just... I'm really sorry.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

How i became a PRS

2011-03-25T05:10:00.000-07:00

So, there was this day, when i finally gonna do my interview to become a PRS. there were a lot of processes, like REALLY. We were to take a number and sit down and wait for our numbers to be called out. I was number 20.

Yes, TIME FOR INTERVIEW. we were to sit and wait for the others finish their interviews. There were 3 groups of PRS who are interviewing but you only get to choose one, so yes, it is best if chose wisely. Lucky for me, Zaimy was in one of those groups but the others who were also waiting for their turn was so envious of how fun his group seems to be and they particularly don't want to be in this one group, which has a girl, who they think is strict and very fearsome. So it was the girl next to me, her turn, before i made a step in, but it was in that "fearsome" group but she doesn't want to. she was just so frightened. She wanted to be in Zaimy's group which was suppose to be where i should be. But i kind of feel SO SORRY for her, so i stepped in to the "fearsome" group.

Lucky for me, it wasn't so fearsome at all. It was just their way of judging by the character's look which is NOT GOOD, by the way. Anyway, they asked me a few intense questions and i seemed to pretty calm about it. and then they ask whether i'm nervous or not and i said no, I am VERY (yes, stressing the "very" part) confident. And it was kind of hard at some point when they ask if i would pick family over PRS i was gonna say family but it was never true, i hangout with my friends more than i do with my family now so i told them the truth. So, THEY HIT THE JACKPOT when they asked me if i could sing for them at THAT point. So, i did, but i was hesitating at first, because i don't what song i should sing but then it hit me. lol. I sang the chorus part of "HURT" by Christina Aguilera and when i did, all the others from the other group was amazed and clapped their hands and i was thrilled. I was complimented. hahaha. I wasn't being humble. why would i?

And so, after that interview was over, i have to go to the other room which has more groups than it was in the other room and this time, i have to be interviewed by ALL of them and there were about 6 groups, if i'm not mistaken. But i must say, i wasn't really nervous. I thought i was being bitchy like i always do but... what am i kidding, I WAS! They asked me some MORE intense questions about responsibilities, and stuff like that and last minute work, and all of it jumped to "been there. done that" because if being a PRS means having a lot of stress, this wouldn't be my first time. I've been in a LOT of stress going to THAT CERTAIN school, why would me be a PRS will be any different, right? So, i said all the things i have to say truthfully and i meant EVERY SINGLE WORD of it. but then it was already too late for the last interview, which is with the Head Counselor. So she asked me for my Personal Study time the next day to continue the interview and so i did :)

The next day, the first thing in the MORNING period, i was super early, feeling SO confident about my next interview. and believe me, i was in SUCH A GOOD MOOD. lol. I was the first person to be in the counselling room and the first person to be interviewed THAT morning hehehe :P it went well, there are a bit of downs, though although i can't quite recall. so that was it.

DAYS HAVE PASSED AND THE RESULTS ARE NOT OUT YET. and I'm still anticipating!

But one day, i finished my art extra class, went to the toilet to get changed, because i have a dance practice for a performance for the seniors which is in 2 days time! As i went out of the toilet, it was late, like 3pm. Normal classes ends at 2 so... it was kind of empty, a bit. and i was on my way to the Multi-purpose hall. The Head counselor saw me and called "GIRL!" while running. i was confused. I thought, was she calling me? i looked around and saw only boys, so it must be me, so i stopped. and she asked me my full name and so i told her and as soon as i did, she then continued walking. That was an awkward moment for me. LOL.

I told my friends about it the next day, and they said it was a "sign" or something. but i wasn't so sure what it meant. LOL. But i cannot be all proud of it, because maybe it was a FALSE ALARM.

So next day, The results are out. and for the first time, i was completely nervous. I was always so confident, i don't seem to get it why i can be nervous at that point. So i checked the name list REALLY QUICK and didn't see my name. I was so disappointed, i didn't want to look back. My friend congratulated me and i was like "I GOT IT?" feeling so excited that i checked it the second time, but this time, REALLY SLOW. lol. that was a false alarm! I ACTUALLY GOT IT! :D I'M A PRS! HEHEHE :P

so that's the story folks. hope you enjoy reading this. LOL.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

This song just makes you wanna dance

2011-03-23T22:20:00.000-07:00

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

I just love them

2011-03-23T21:50:00.000-07:00

You see this picture? Just recently my cousin posted this on facebook and I JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF IT. They're just SO FREAKING ADORABLE! and i haven't seen them in AGES! i really DO miss them.

these are my two adorable nephews, Saqif (left) and Darwish (right).

Saqif is like about 6 months and Darwish is about 3 months.

I just love babies that at some point i wish i could have my own. LOL. but not at this time :P but you know what i mean!

I just hope to see them pretty soon.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

anonymous kiss

2011-03-22T06:40:00.000-07:00

someone once asked me, have you ever kissed a stranger? my answer was yes and it was GOOD. The thing is, my answer was never that good enough. they wanted it to be detailed; elaborated. so here i am, answering that question.

Was it 2 or 3 years ago? Me and the bitches and the jerks were in a restaurant at Yayasan playing truth or dare. it was totally a fucked up night for us. He spin the bottle, and it was my turn. As hard as it has to be, i picked "dare" because it wouldn't be fair if i pick truth ALL THE TIME (yes, i RARELY pick dare in a truth or dare game). That bitch dared me to kiss the first person that came into that door. It was a challenge i thought, was impossible. But it's not. So i went to that door, saw the first person, which is a guy wearing this grey jacket, grabbed him, and kissed him in the lips. It took us around 6 seconds and i was done. But just as i was heading back towards where i was sitting, he pulled me and we kissed again. It was inexplicable, really. It was just so amazing that my hands moved to touch his shoulders and we were out of control. He touched my waist and continued kissing me. and at some point, someone scolded us "GET A ROOM" so i stopped and went back to my seat without even introducing myself.

the jerks and bitches laughed. and they looked at him. I was scolded once again by one of the bitches saying i shouldn't have done it, because the anonymous might have had his feelings hurt. But i couldn't think of that. not at that time. i was embarrassed, but you know, that was... something i didn't expect to happen. I didn't even bother to ask his name. or to look back to see how he really looks like. all of it was just a blur to me.

I don't normally kiss and tell because it might be bad luck. but whatever. it happened years ago. I bet that guy wouldn't even remember me!

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

2011-03-10T08:38:00.000-08:00

I saw the way you look at me. You were expecting me to be charmed or anything for that matter, just like any other days. But i didn't. Instead, i looked at you with that face that shows the expression of saying "what you looking at me for?"

and i ignored you. because i always thought that maybe i should. You've been hurting me too much in the past. It's about time you feel the same way i felt.

but i kind of hated that. You know, some day, you're gonna thank me for saying no to you. it's a little too late for anything right now. i don't have feelings for you anymore.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

2011-03-07T09:36:00.001-08:00

It has been a while since I've blogged. A lot of exciting things have been happening. It's like everyday is a new adventure, if you know what i mean. But i don't have the time to blog about everything right now.

I'm quite committed at almost everything that i do now. I don't slack as i used to. I don't really know why. But i'm not that serious all the time, i can play a little but still give my full commitment. hmmm... have i changed?

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Disney Princesses

2011-02-28T03:39:00.000-08:00

I got this from Zee's Blog! :D It looks SUPER interesting so i had to try so myself! :D

Cinderella:
[ ] One of your parents is dead
[x] You are expected to do a lot of chores
[x] You love to dress up
[x] You love animals
[x] You are waiting patiently for your Prince Charming
[x] Your mom is really strict
[x] You have sisters who seem kind of jealous of you
[ ] You’re afraid to speak your mind sometimes
[ ] You have left your shoes at a friend’s house before
[ ] You have blonde hair
TOTAL: 6

Belle:
[x] You’ve kissed someone your friends didn’t like
[x] You’ve been lost in the forest
[x] You love to read
[x] You are not shy at all, and not afraid to speak your mind
[x] One of your family members is a bit weird
[x] You have done volunteer work
[x] You have a wild imagination
[x] You love to take care of people in need
[x] You’ve had guys like you only because they think you’re pretty
[x] You’ve rejected at least one person when they’ve asked you out
TOTAL: 10

Jasmine:
[ ] Your dad is very rich/important
[ ] You are very clever
[x] You’ve been with someone way different from you
[x] You’re unique and different from everyone else
[x] You’d never marry someone just because they were rich
[x] You have set a lot of goals for yourself
[ ] You don’t have a lot of friends
[x] You’re independent
[ ] You are wealthy
[x] Your parents try to control your life
TOTAL: 6

Ariel
[x] Your parents expect a lot from you
[ ] You really try to follow the rules, but it’s hard for you
[ ] You’re a bit of a trouble maker
[ ] You’re the youngest in your family or in the last 2
[ ] You have a lot of sisters (3 or more)
[x] You collect something
[x] You have/had long, hair
[x] You have/had a pet fish
[x] You’re extremely curious
[ ] You believe everything people tell you/you’re a bit gullible
TOTAL: 5

Snow White:
[x] You know that you’re beautiful
[ ] Sometimes it seems like your mom is jealous of you
[x] You’ve almost been killed
[x] You have at least seven good friends
[x] You’ve had food poisoning
[x] You have/had short hair
[x] You get along with almost everyone
[x] All of your friends are different
[x] You love to have a good time
[x] You’re happier when you’re out of the house than in
TOTAL: 9

Mulan:
[x] You can be a tomboy sometimes.
[x] People wish you could be a bit more girly
[x] You’ve pretended to be someone you’re not
[x] You’ve had a physical fight with someone
[x] You have/had considered running away from home
[x] Your parents try to plan your life out
[x] A lot of your friends are boys
[x] You sometimes find yourself in bad situations
TOTAL: 10

Aurora:
[ ] You live/have lived with someone other than your parents
[x] You almost died at a very young age
[x] You are gentle, loving, and/or thoughtful
[x] You have a decent singing voice
[x] You like to sleep in late on the weekends
[x] You spend most of your time outside
[ ] You’re adopted
[x] You’re very romantic
[x] Pink is one of your favorite colors
TOTAL: 8

Pocahontas:
[x] You love to walk around and explore big cities
[x] You are more spiritual than religious
[x] You’ve been in an interracial relationship
[ ] One of your family members is dead
[x] Your parents are very protective of you
[x] Someone you know has been in war
[x] You love nature
[x] You have/had black hair
[x] You would love to move somewhere exotic and beautiful
[x] You’re very adventurous
TOTAL: 9

Rapunzel:
[ ] You’re an orphaned child or have evil step-mother
[x] You have many different hobbies to keep you busy
[x] Yet you can still be bored
[ ] You have very long hair
[ ] Your hair is bright Blonde
[x] You’re an artsy person
[x] You’re childish
[x] You can’t wait to stop the same routine each day and start living. Yet the thought of leaving is scary.
[x] You care about others and their feelings
[x] You like to follow the rules. Sometimes you cannot for your own good and then you feel conflicted and worry about how your mother will react.
TOTAL: 7

Thing is, i got both Belle AND Mulan! LOL. so.... HAHAH okay. I'm done here.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

2011-02-24T19:39:00.000-08:00

It seems so odd that i changed my behaviour. I guess meeting you makes me wanna strangle someone or something. I guess i just hate the fact that you're still hiding that little secret from me. Even though i know what the secret is, i still wish to hear it from you. But you never did told me after weeks. Is it much of a big deal? I don't know. I may not bother about the secret. But for you as a friend, you should tell me. and i don't need to found out. I just need to know what it means. hmm... and at least it came from you. because i don't believe it should be that simple, coming from someone else i know nothing about.

It really makes me angry. But one more thing, i should tell you that i am. What is this bullshit anyway? But i love you, you know. you're my bestfriend. I shouldn't put myself into this situation. Maybe you had a reason on keeping the secret. Everyone has a reason for everything. I should put myself in YOUR shoes. Maybe the best thing is probably leaving this whole thing out. Let's get back to normal. How we used to be. I should hit myself if i ever feel angry at you. You'll tell me when you're ready. I just know it.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

FIRST DAY :D

2011-02-24T07:28:00.000-08:00

LOL. My first day of PTEM, was hectic, tiring, but overall, SUPER DUPER AWESOME. Is there any other words to describe it? :P

My art class, was quiet, maybe because everyone was shy, but I was full with energy at the time, maybe because i slept for only an hour last night. LOL. I came in my Physics class pretttyyyy late. And it was... not as i expected. I entered the classroom and see sexism? Where all the girls would sit in front and all the guys would sit at the back. I was feeling rather unusual considering i had a hard time finding myself a seat as none of the girls were kind enough to care but RAYHAN saved the day. LOL. He's the awesome cousin who offered me a sit next to him. THANK YOU :D

I was late for Maths as there was a last minute announcement saying that our classes starts at 1 when it CLEARLY stated in the timetable that it should start at 1.30 but oh well. I was about to eat lunch because i didn't have the chance to eat at all as i spent most of my morning break buying the school items, and lunch break going around the school with Rozaimmy and Hardine and at a point, Ahmad as the tour guides. LOL. But mostly Hardine. he did help a lot, thanks. Me and Yati were just following them around like as Zaimy would call it "BIMBOS" ppffttt. Anyway, I met a pleasent January Intake girl name, Datul who was, bound to be, i suppose, my friend for the class. Unfortunately, her name wasn't on the list and it seems that she had copied the wrong timetable. So.... LOL. She's just my math mate for the day. Oh, but at least my old kindergarden best friend, Akhmal was there, so YAY! at least i know one person from my maths class :P

So, the "Ice breaking" session started at 2pm and i discovered that Awie, my cousin was my group leader, awesome! But there, they call him Azrin. So i might just have to get used to calling him that. And another guy, who constantly makes fun of my name, Qawi. I clearly stated that i was to be called as Z as in pronounced "Zee" and he keeps on insisting on calling me "Zayt" pfffttt.

And then we were to hunt for the signatures of the PRS and MPs and it was quite hectic. LOL. I ran and ran but wanted to fall asleep at the same time. LOL. Which reminds me, Walimul, He's in my tutor group! LOL. And Mira was there too, although i don't really know her quite well.

The day was spectacular as i bumped into a lot of people that i love and hugged them :) Mostly the SEEDS members and my old mates from kindergarden and primary AND religious school :)

That's all from me :)

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

flying off to korea and Happy National Day!

2011-02-22T09:39:00.000-08:00

I was gonna post this yesterday but i think i got carried away with the whole making #Brunei and #BruneiMerdeka trend on Twitter thing.

Anyway, Diyana has left to Korea with flying colours yesterday, 22nd Feb 2011. And i miss her already.

I was gonna go to the airport and watch her flying off but my mum refused to let me after the whole incident thing going on last time i was alone. I was followed, so... she doesn't want the same thing to happen again.

So it's CLEAR that i couldn't come. and so are the rest because 22nd was on a school day. We decided to do a last gathering with her, which is on Sunday, 20th Feb. BARBECUE, OH YEAH :D At her place :')

Pictures. pictures. Credit goes to Far and Diyana :P but i edited these because the colour isn't catchy enough. LOL.

We hope you ENJOY Korea and Oh, if you might just bump into DongHae, please kidnap him and bring him here. LOL. JK, :P

WE WILL MISS THE TWEETY :D

Anyway, today's NATIONAL DAY! :D So, Happy National day to ALL THE BRUNEIANS OUT THERE ;)BE PATRIOTIC because that's how aweseome we are OH YEAH lol.

i think that's all.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Picnic wweeeeeeeeeee :)

2011-02-22T08:56:00.000-08:00

Sunday, 13th Feb. Had a picnic with the family and then went to my Aunt's house. I don't remember much that happened on that day. LOL. All i remember was that we were there from morning till sunset.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Into The Woods! :)

2011-02-17T21:25:00.000-08:00

On the 5th December, Sunday, my sister have recorded the whole play. Unfortunately, i deleted some of it because some of the videos recorded were just heads and you can't see anything AT ALL and all you have is the voices of the casts. These are the acceptable ones. And I have made a decision to share them to you all. Here it is. And it is placed in order :)

Unfortunately, It ends here, as after this last scene, the camera used ran out of battery, so she didn't quite manage to record it till the end, but i hope you all enjoy watching it :)

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

2011-02-17T13:49:00.000-08:00

Just when the light is starting to come out, it slowly fades. I guess we both don't trust each other. It's awkward; knowing that we both feel the same way and we know it by just looking at each other's eyes. We don't speak, but we understand each other, what we're thinking.

If I'm about to tell him that i want something, i don't have to, he could go and get it for me. It is as if we could read each others' minds. I know what he wants. He knows what i want.

But the saddest part about it is that we both gave up on each other. We chose to move on. It may be as difficult as it sounds but he made everything so simple. I look at him and i know he's always gonna be there for me. and that we'll always be friends. But not even I would want us to be together, because things will be far more complicated than it was before.

Reading this particular post of mine, might just seem so impossible to you, but it isn't, really. I don't know how it happened. It just did. It's weird. But everyone is weird in their own ways.

and who is this is mysterious man; you may ask? i prefer to keep this private. As i know, he might read this and wouldn't want his name to be listed down. and no, not even my bestfriend knows who he is. Even if they beg me to, i still wouldn't tell. I prefer not to tell anyone at that.

And you, the man i speak of, you're the most unusual experiment ever.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

2011-02-16T10:13:00.000-08:00

It's kind of nice. Seeing my name on your top people's list :)

and I'm crazy because I'm smiling like a fool, looking at the list over and over wanting to know whether you're going to change it or not and keep on flattering myself when i DO know that you're not gonna change it. and i'll still be first.

Maybe because i never thought we'd be this close. It still feels like we just met. but in reality, we've known each other long enough. And when i look back at our old pictures, i laughed. We met in a funny way and i still remember! :p

GOOD TIMES, my friend. GOOD TIMES ;)

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

THURSDAY 10 feb 2011

2011-02-16T08:56:00.000-08:00

My last day of school was full of drama. I don't wanna leave everything like this but i have to. I'm leaving.

But I'm glad i had everything settled.

Goodbye MS! I will not miss you, i'm sure you feel the same way :)

CHEERS, XOXO, Z

Flag waving day

2011-02-16T08:14:00.000-08:00

This event took place at Yayasan on the 6th Feb. YUP, A DAY AFTER THE RESULTS CAME OUT.

It was my last event as a girl guide member :')

BUT by far, one of the worst experience of my life. I'll tell you right after you take a look at the pictures.

As usual, there was marching. and then waving the flags. and then pull up the big flag. and then it rains and everybody got wet.

Okay, the event was over. I ran out of credit to text my dad of what time i'll be going home that day. so me and Myra went around Yayasan to search for a shop to get me some credit. and then we waited in front of Jollibee for Myra's dad who's picking her up from there. and then we talked and talked. and talked. and then she has to leave me there to go home.

I didn't wanna look like a complete fool, all alone waiting at Jollibee. So i texted my dad telling him to pick me up at Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka. So i went there, walking alone until i realized that the uniformed group of assholes (who were marching while we're waving the flag during the event) was following me.

I walked and they followed and called me. I was so fucked up. I ran and hid for a few minutes until they couldn't find me no more. So then i continued on walking to Dewan Bahasa and waited there for a few minutes. But hey, it's okay, because i saw Alwani. well, she saw me :P

that's that.

CHEERS, XOXO, Z